Why I'm Struggling

When Baby Bean is born, I will be using 2 years worth of saved up vacation and sick leave as my maternity leave.  All of this will total 6 weeks.  Our inital plan was to have me work from home part-time for the next 6 weeks so I could be home and around the Babe for a full 3 months.  Last week MC and I decided that there was no way we could afford to pull off the latter part of the plan.  Since we decided this, I have been in a really trying place mentally.  I absolutely cannot deal with the idea of leaving my 6-week old with anyone...even the most capable of hands.  He's my baby, he's my little buddy.  We've been a unit for almost 10 months now.  He kickes me, makes me puke, pee my pants, gives my heartburn, we listen to tunes together, make food choices together, we do everything together.  How can I feel OK not having him around?  I feel as though I am going to miss so much.  The little smiles when he wakes up from his nap, when he first rolls over, when he first sits up, when he starts to scoot about...the list goes on.  I'm in tears just thinking about it.

I feel so discouraged.  I know there are worse things out there.  I know some people deal with tougher situations.  MC tells me to look at the brightside of things, still, I cannot find any peace in the thought of leaving him for 40 hours a week.

I'm heartbroken.  Any Momma's out there have advice for this super-sad first timer?

White Trash Bowling Bash

This year's Bauserman Group Holiday Party fund was small, like most of our paychecks...but you can call the party planning committee Hero's because we managed to pull off a stellar Holiday Feista.

This year's theme... A White Trash Bowling Bash that included bowls of fake cigarettes, quarters for Juke Box Tunes, all you can eat bowling alley food, and Old English 40's.

Check out the photos below for a hint of the debachury and my expanding waste line.  Thats a tough one.

As you can see, we had waaaaay to much fun with the fake cigarettes and colored hair pieces.  It was hideous fun all the way around.  Props go out to Rocky the bartender for the awesome group picture taken at the end of the night.  Good eye buddy!

The Bauserman Group

These are the people I spend ALL my time with...not by choice, but I love most of them anyhow.  This was taken a few Friday's ago at a cool little bar called St. James Infirmary, honoring Nancy's last day (Lucky).  And yes, I am sitting on my boss's feet.